You are not your audience’s friend, and that’s a good thing

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One of the weirdest parts of being a creator is that people say they know you … when they absolutely do not. 🫣They might know your coffee order, your cat’s weird quirks, and that one story you’ve told 14 times because, somehow, it still works.

Then one day, someone comments, “I feel like we’re best friends.” Their intention is kind, but this can be a bit alarming.

If it makes you feel any better, your followers are engaging in something psychologists call parasocial relationships. 👥

Handled well, parasocial relationships turn casual viewers into loyal fans and communities. But handled badly, they can leave you exhausted and resentful, not to mention annoyed that strangers feel so entitled to your time. 🫩

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A parasocial relationship is a one-sided emotional connection someone develops with a public figure, personality, or creator.⭐

Originally, psychologists used the term to explain why people felt emotionally attached to TV hosts and celebrities. But the internet cranked the intensity up to eleven.

Creators don’t just show up in polished magazines. You’re integrated into the fabric of your followers’ routines.

You’re:

The lines are so blurry now that creators don’t even seem like “the media,” but real people who are part of our lives. Humans are wired to connect, so this makes sense.

So, should you build deep connections with people by oversharing, or protect your boundaries because you don’t owe them anything?

Eh, both are a little true. You do need parasocial relationships as a creator, but they need to be healthy. When your followers feel emotionally connected to you, sparks fly:

There’s a dark side to parasocial relationships. Yes, they’re great for growth, but a lot of creators confuse connection with obligation. 😵

Who hasn’t felt guilty about not replying to every DM? Or maybe you overshared in the past, reined it in, and your audience still wants to know every detail of your life. Suddenly, your business feels less like a business and more like unpaid emotional labor.

The issue with parasocial relationships is unstructured closeness. The internet has a way of eroding boundaries, but they’re crucial for sticking with it as a creator, especially when followers have parasocial relationships with youl.

Your audience doesn’t need 24/7 access to your time. ⌛ All they really need are reliable touchpoints.

Maybe that looks like:

The best creators are relatable, but you don’t need to overshare for the sake of seeming relatable.

Here’s the rule I live by: Share scars, not open wounds.

For example, I had a cancer scare at the height of my career as a creator (everything turned out fine!). I shared every part of the journey, but it veered into oversharing. Before long, I was burned out and terrified of cancer (not to mention fielding some crazy DMs about “miracle cures”). In hindsight, I wish I’d waited until the end of the process to share it with my followers, because posting everything in real-time made it much harder. 🫠

So, in my experience, sharing lessons you’ve already processed balances relatability with your mental health. Otherwise, you risk making your audience your therapist, and nobody wins when that happens.

If you have a habit of oversharing, ask yourself, “Does sharing this help my audience understand me better, or am I just trauma-dumping?”🤔

If you want people to forge parasocial relationships with you, give them something to belong to.

Create little rituals that make followers feel like insiders. Consider creating something like:

I’m all for trying new things, but familiarity fuels community, which is a must for parasocial relationships.

This is the most important thing about parasocial relationships. Before you create, you need to set hard boundaries. 🙅‍♂️ Normalize them early on and enforce them—with no exceptions.

You don’t have to be a jerk, but simple boundaries help a lot. Try something like:

Any reasonable person will respect your boundaries. And if they’re unreasonable, use the block button generously. ⛔

Your audience doesn’t actually need you to be their friend. They want to follow creators who are trustworthy and real, and any sane person will understand you’re an actual human outside of TikTok.

Parasocial relationships might feel a little weird at first, but they’re part of being a creator, especially as your audience grows. They’re the key to ongoing loyalty, but you need strong boundaries to protect your sanity and privacy.

Do a quick “parasocial audit” this week. Ask yourself:

Then pick one thing to implement this week: one ritual, one boundary, or one predictable touchpoint.

As always, hit reply if something in here hits home.
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Speak soon,
Amanda

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